Blind Obsession
by Trufreak89
Summary: ‘It isn’t healthy to obsess over someone that you become blind to their faults and the fact that you’re going to get hurt because of it. Shane laughs at herself she’s such a hypocrite.’


**Title: **Blind Obsession

**Summary: '**_It isn't healthy to obsess over someone that you become blind to their faults and the fact that you're going to get hurt because of it. Shane laughs at herself; she's such a hypocrite.'_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The L Word or any of the characters.

**Rating:** PG-13 (for language)

**A/N:** I'm being mean to Shane again, but very few of my stories actually end happily.

"Why does she do it to herself?" Shane mutters under her breath as she watches Alice stare at Gabby. Her friend never seemed to be able to resist her ex lover and it bugs Shane, not because Alice can't get her broken heart over Gabby, but because Gabby knows it and uses Alice whenever she feels like it.

Shane knows Alice is pissed at Gabby though, she's heard her complain and moan about the bitch for days since she got the courage to finally tell her to '_step off.'_ She knows that as Alice watches Gabby's every move in the dark and crowded club that she has no intentions of speaking to her.

Shane knows this and she thinks her eyes must be lying as she sees Alice walk over to Gabby and with barely a word spoken between them they're kissing again with their arms around each other. Kissing and holding each other like nothing has happened, like Gabby never broke her heart. She thinks that her friend has a selective memory when it comes to Gabby.

Suddenly Shane also knows that her breathing has deepened from the rage that fills her body at the thought that once again Alice is setting herself up to be hurt by a woman who in no way deserves her.

As Alice and Gabby pass the table Shane, Dana and Tina are sitting at to dance she knows she can't let her friends see her in this state. She excuses herself wordlessly as she heads to the bathroom. She can't speak; she's choked up with anger.

Anger at Gabby once again using her friend and finally angry with Alice for being such a doormat. She's going to get hurt and she's too blind with obsession to notice. It isn't healthy to obsess over someone that you become blind to their faults and the fact that you're going to get hurt because of it. Shane laughs at herself; she's such a hypocrite.

She's obsessed over Alice for so long she can barely remember a time when she hasn't loved her…Love; the only L word Shane is afraid off. She's tried so many times to stop loving Alice but she can't, she's too far gone and she thinks that maybe this is how Alice feels about Gabby, but thinking that her friend cares so deeply for the other woman only pains her further and she never dwells on the thought for long.

She's tried to love other woman, but she can't take her mind off of Alice. She's tried having relationships without love, but they all just end up fucked up because deep down her partners always know she doesn't love them and that she never could. So Shane has no-strings-attached sex and for a little while each night she forgets about Alice, but the pain always comes back afterwards.

She looks at herself in the mirror, her eyes darkened with rage and her jaw set in anger. Her fists are still clenched and her knuckles are turning white. She doesn't want to release them for fear of hitting the nearest thing to her and at this moment as the door opens it's someone she could never hurt but she always gets hurt by.

"Hi." Alice greets her, worried at the dark expression on her friend's face. "Shane, are you…is everything ok?" She knows it isn't. She knows how Shane feels about her after Shane's accidental admittance of her feelings while they had been drunk and talking about Alice's chart and how everyone was connected. She had foolishly admitted to liking Alice, but the 'L' word had never been mentioned.

Shane nods, still choking down her rage and tightly clenching her fists that she has hidden in her pockets. Alice doesn't leave it though, she tries to place a hand on Shane's shoulder only to have the younger girl pull away violently and storm out of the door and with one final sneer at Gabby she leaves.

The night air is cold as it hits her face and the tears that run down her cheeks only add to the cold. She knows it's not worth crying over, she's been here before, destroyed by Alice being anyone else's, and she's always survived, but with Gabby it's different. With Gabby it was love and obsession and need and Alice would allow these feelings to take over her.

She walks home in a blind rage and when she arrives home she lets her tears fully take control of her and she cries into her pillow as she bitterly remembers every moment she has ever seen Gabby with Alice.

The next day she wakes with the trails of dry tears staining her cheeks and her eyes are still dark and sombre. When she arrives at The Planet Alice is nowhere in sight and she enjoys her morning caffeine fix. She manages to avoid her all day except for at lunch when the gang meets for a quick get together during their busy days.

Shane is cold and distant around Alice and she sees her friend is suspicious of her mood. She wants to scream at the blonde for being stupid enough to go back to the user she loves. She wants to shout and rave and release all of the rage that has built up overnight, but as Alice pulls her aside and asks if she's okay the only reply Shane can give is a nod and a smile as she goes to leave.

She could never do that to Alice. She could never say those hurtful truths to the woman she loved so deeply. What good would it do anyway? She'd just look like she was jealous of Alice's feelings towards Gabby, when she knew that jealousy wasn't an issue. When Alice was with Lisa she had felt no jealousy, she had been happy that her friend had someone to love her and take care of her, to make her happy, but with Gabby there wouldn't be any happiness, only pain.

Later that day she checks her voicemail and she hears the joy in Alice's voice as she tells her that Gabby asked her for another chance. Her heart shrivels up completely then and all the love she feels is squished by rage and anger. She breaks things in her room until she is no longer angry just numb.

Dana phones her later and tells her the news of Alice and Gabby's reunion. She goes on and on how Alice is being stupid and making a mistake and Shane shrugs it off with, "It's her mistake to make," before hanging up and returning to her simmering rage on her own.

She's supposed to be going to a club with the others on Saturday, Alice asked her to go with her and Gabby and the others, and Shane knows she'll have to control herself.

No scowling or snide remarks, no sarcastic comments or excuses to go home early. She would once again have to suffer for her love of the other woman, but girlfriend and boyfriend after girlfriend and boyfriend she will still love her friend more than she has ever dared admit to anyone she knows or the blonde herself.

She'll go to watch over Alice and be near the source of her obsession, and when Gabby rips her heart out once again she'll be there to pick up the pieces as the ever-dutiful friend. She'll do this with all of Alice's relationships until she finds Miss or Mister right or she realises that she had the unconditional love of Shane there to comfort her at any time, the one person who will never hurt her, whichever comes first.

Fin.


End file.
